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Anime Detour 2010

I mailed in my registration form today. I should have done it before the new year in order to save money, but I wasn't sure if I really wanted to go or not. Now that my mind is made up, maybe I'll see some of you guys there.

It's December

December 1 - but it hardly feels like it. There's been no snow and the temperature has been warm all autumn. I mean it's Minnesota so it's a little chilly, but usually we have a good bit of snow on the ground or something.

Let the Good Times Roll

Oh things might just work out fer me yet! I got a job last week ya see an' I start tomorrow! I'm gonna work in the deli at a local grocery store. I'm a meat girl! Yay!

And my nephew, Matthew, is just the cutest little boy in all the universe! He's talking a lot now and every time he says my name I just wanna eat him up! I think I'll end up becoming a very spoiling auntie when I'm older, but that's okay because he is my only nephew and I want him to know how much I love him even though I don't see him a lot.

But if you thought those were the reasons why I'm in such a good mood, you thought wrong. The icing on the cake of my life is love. I was heart broken at first because my parents had decided against going to the mall... so when I started crying that manipulating them into letting me go. I didn't mean to manipulate, but I'm kinda glad they gave in anyway because I had fun with my kareshi up at the mall.

The instant I saw him I smiled as wide as I could and had to restrain myself as I approached him. I didn't give a tackling hug, but I still clung onto him for quite a while. So I introduced him to my family then we went walkin' around an' stuff. He kept picking me up to get past the crowds an' even gave me a piggy back ride fer a bit. He said I wasn't heavy, but the fact that his back turned almost into a 90 degree angle told otherwise.

An' he is just so sweet! He kept holding out his hand fer mine and though I get sweaty palms easily, he held on anyways. I gave him a belated birthday present - an asortment of drawings that I worked hard on and he gave me a lil Garfield plushie. I love it. Not just because I admire Garfield the cat, but because it's a gift for no real reason. Ya don't get too many of those in life.

Then he totally pulled a cliche hollywood romance movie move outta the air by telling me he had something else he wanted to give me. I knew what it was the second he asked me to close my eyes. *blushes* Yeah, he kissed me. Kya! It ain't any of that deep kissin' 'r anything like that, just simple lip to lip so I actually don't think the actual kissing itself is such a big deal, but the idea behind it is and that's why I get so shoujo about it.

But alas we had to part after only about half an hour.  I missed him before we even parted ways ya know! Anyway, I dunno exactly what came over me as he walked me to the car, but before we said goodbye, I gave him a big kiss right smack dab on his lips. I was surprised my parents or siblings didn't see me do it, but even more surprised later when we were talking online and he told me how surprised HE was! He said I made him blush! Kya!

I actually ended up asking him if when we kissed if he felt anything, ya know, romantically. Initially he said no, but after I gave him that kiss he said I sparked somethin' an' that he was beginin' t' like me more and more. An' then! An' then he said that was the most romantic kiss he's ever had before an' he's had french kissin' before an' felt nothin' so I'm quite pleased that a simple lip to lip did so much fer 'im. I feel almost magical ^^

Anyways, I can't wait to see him again and given my schedule fer the rest of the year, I won't have much free time until the end of my first semester in December. But at least then I'll have a whole month off and hopefully have my driver's license so I can go see him. Of course I told him since I've made two trips up to the cities already, he should come visit me next. Hehe. We're still workin' on that.

Either way, I don't think I can deny it or doubt it any more. I'm in love! Love! Love! Love! Love! I figure I must be, because I wouldn't miss him so much if he was just a friend 'r somethin'... *le sigh* Oh well. If it is the real thing, it'll work out ne? I'm just gonna do my best and maybe... maybe my future will be a happy one.
 

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A Good Month

Doumo minna-san! Just thought I'd write it t' inform ya on Suiren's super awesome special August! Well second best of all, my laptop is all fixed and oh how I've missed my Lucinda! It's been well over a month now! Wow! I can't believed I survived, ne?

Okay, but now the best news is when we go up to the cities for my nephew's birthday party, my parents said we can make a stop at the Mall of America so I can see that guy I met at the con! KYA! I can't wait for Saturday! I told him that since I didn't know how much time I'd have to spend with him, we should keep our get together cheap. So we're just gonna roam around the mall, hopefully without my parents tagging behind.

My Shoujo heart is just on the brim of happiness! Maybe we'll hold hands and maybe we'll even duck into a corner for a quick kiss, or maybe I'll just kidnap him and bring him home with me! Oh I've never been so excited! Sure I was excited when I found out I was going to Japan back in eighth grade, but this is love! Suiren's first real relationship with a guy who actually likes her in return! And in the past week I've been chatting with him, we just seem to be so similar in some ways. He doesn't even mind my weirdness! And c'mon, you guys know I'm one of the most eccentric people you've ever met. And he was so sweet the other day! I ferget how we got on the subject, but he said my breasts were cute and perfect the way they are. Aww! He's been breakin' all those male stereotypes one after another an' really, that's good. It means he's original. I really like that in a person.

I suppose it's not a good idea for me to get so ahead of myself. I mean, I really, really like him but I live in Winona he lives in Bloomington, gas is expensive, and I have neither a car nor a license. He just turned 17 so I doubt he has those things either. An' really, it's the cities! How far do ya need t' go t' find what ya need? Then again I wouldn't know cuz the small city life has always been my home. But oh I don't care! Sure I start college soon (two weeks I think...) and I need to get a job (still...), but gods I'll find a way to visit him or I ain't Suiren Shinju! And above all things, I believe in love (thank you shoujo manga)!

I'm just so happy! I've never felt so happy before, especially right before my time of the month. The doc upped my bc an' it's weird cuz my body is adjustin' an' I've been losin' my predictions of when I'm gonna get it. Oh speakin' of which, I need to call in my perscription... hm, hehe.

Ah! So anyway that's what's up with me. My nephew's birthday is actual the 23rd, so why my sister is having the party a week early is strange, but then again she's my estranged family. Either way, Matthew is gonna be 4! I can't wait to see him! I haven't since Christmas so you figure auntie Suiren hasn't had her full of her only nephew in quite a while.

But as much as I love Matthew as well as spend time with my big sister and my brother-in-law, we just aren't close ya know? So I'm kinda more excited to meet my male acquaintance at the mall. And who can blame me? Really? I've earned this, haven't I? I've already been waiting years t' find someone who loves me fer me and tho' I hate t' jump the gun, I just can't believe I found a guy like him! I keep saying 'he's perfect! he's perfect!' even though I'm still learning about him, but that's okay right? So far I haven't found anything I dislike about him. An' seriously, how can I not love a guy who's unafraid to whip 'it' out in public? C'mon, that's my dream guy! I've told ya guys that before, haven't I?

Oh I just can't stop thinking about him! He makes me laugh an' feel just 'in my skin' ya know? *dreamy sigh* I am such a hopeless romantic... but that's fine.

My only worry is my parents' reception to him. My siblings can complain all they want an' I won't care, but I've told ya about my ma an' pop an' if they knew what I did up at the con, I don't think I would ever be permitted to leave the house ever again. Ma kept sayin' oh 'you're an adult. You can do what you want' blah blah blah then she goes an' contradicts herself by telling me I have to be home for dinner regardless of other plans an' such an' such. It's just such a pain.

Anyway, my outing at the Mall isn't exactly 100% yet, but it's looking good. I just hope that if we do all go and I introduce them to said 'man-of-my-dreams', I'm gonna get chewed out on the car ride home for likin' a guy who granted, does kinda look like the druggies at the high school, or at least a lazy bum.

Crap, now I got myself nervous. I think I'll talk to him again and let him know a bit more about me ma an' pop. Ma's the more critical one, but I think dad's wary to let me 'experience that side of life'. Sure they're my parents an' they just wanna protect me, but even if I end up gettin' hurt outta this, it was my choice from the start and anything that happens I brought on myself. That's fine with me.

The truth is though, I just don't have any doubts about it right now. Maybe it's cuz I'm young an' new t' such feelings, but even just IMing each other I don't get any bad vibes or anythin' that makes me raise an eyebrow of suspicion. I'm really putting myself out there by opening my heart like this an' trust should be hard for me to give him, but for some reason it's not. It's like he had it from the get-go. It's so weird and mysterious and so utterly perfect for a romance novel. Either way, I think I'm fallin' fer this guy. An' c'mon, he looked just like Urahara Kisuke! That's a fangirl's dream come true!

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Convention Afterglow

Suiren is back from her first ever anime convention! Woot! It was the Kakkoi Anime Con in Bloomington (Minneapolis) MN if you wanna get technical.

Anyway, while all that was well and good Suiren stumbled into an awkward case of summer lovin'. I really didn't go up there expecting to find a guy willin' t' tolerate my level of weirdness, this one Urahara cosplayer (a very GOOD Urahara cosplayer) seemed interested in me. "HUH?!" right? I know! I couldn't believe it myself. At first it started off with me and this other Urahara fangirl just clinging to him for funzies, but as the night progressed and we had dinner as a group then followed it up by a series of location parties (Elevator party, escalator party, etc - it's all on Youtube).

So it was Saturday night an' that meant new Anime on Adult Swim fer all those kiddies who are privledged enough to have cable, so after a few rounds of a note game or two, we all crammed into our hotel room and turned on the TV. So we're watchin' all these shows my friends have heard about meanwhile Suiren is cluelessly trying to follow the plot of a single episode... this is when things got a little... well... 'complicated' I guess...

I like this guy, really. He gave off that vibe that made me naturally comfortable around him even though I hadn't known him a full twelve hours. An' we had such a fun time at dinner then with the other parties an' all. I had actually gotten sick after dinner so I had to rest in my room for a bit, but when I rejoined the gang I kept thinkin' about relationship potential with this male specimen. I'm a lonely, love sick teenage girl, this is to be expected I suppose.

Well... so we're watchin' anime. There's eight of us in the room, seven girls and one guy. Total harem scene, but we were all cool with it as fast friendships are formed at cons. One girl actually ended up sleeping in our room with us and I was her bunkmate (it was a room for four people, but we only had three and she came from a group with over five so there was room).

Aa, anyway I digress. So we're strude about the room and I invite the guy an' the other Urahara fangirl to share my bed with me because I was considerate of my friend Keshi's feelings toward us being on her an' Ayame-senpai's bed.

Now before you jump to conclusions; NO. Suiren is still able to be a priestess if you know what I mean, but I'll be damned if I certainly didn't think about it. The only reason I didn't is probably because the hotel wanted us out of our rooms by noon the next day so we had no privacy for such activities.

Gah, anyway it did get a little weird... It started out as friendly curlin' up in the sheets to get comfy to watch anime. We've all done this. Now I'm just kinda leanin' on the handsome shopkeeper and since I had kinda hyped up on sugar an' general con-craziness, I let my fingers just kinda tap against his chest while we enjoyed this rather interesting program called Shinchan...

I was actually more curious then startled when he snuck his hand down my pants all under the safety of the blankets. So what's a girl t' do?! It felt wrong, but kinda right at the same time... I didn't want him to stop... maybe I let my hormones get carried away a little... maybe I've read too many shoujo mangas... maybe I just shoulda stopped and asked if he more-than-liked me... either way such actions ceased cuz he had to go home and the other girls needed to get back to their rooms.

So after a night of erotic dreams, I said to myself I needed to confront him about what happened. The Con events went on and eventually we got some time to be alone together. We were already out of the rooms by then so anything that happened between us would be in public an' thus, safe, ne? Well there's no way to guard a heart yearning for love or so I say and I actually just came right out and said that I couldn't stop thinkin' about him an' what happened. He apologized right away, saying "was it wrong?" and that's when I asked myself the same question. Did I want him to? Well, honestly yes. So I told him I didn't think there was too much to apologize for and if I had honestly felt the slightest bit uncomfortable I would have stopped him.

I guess if anything I'm still a little confused... am I that desperate that I'll take what I can get or is there some string connecting me to this guy that was brought about by this wonderful thing called 'love'? I don't want to be considered easy or a whore, but if this was something, I only had a few hours left to see what these feelings were all about.

I'm still not sure if I made the right choice... He and I walked around the hotel and found a nice semi-quiet corner to sit an' chat in where we wouldn't be too heavily disturbed. We talked for a while, then I decided myself that I was tired of leaning against him, back against his chest so I turned around and looked him in the face. His eyes were a strange color... hazel towards the pupil, yet most of the iris was grey. That's when things got even more confusing...

I didn't know what else to talk about by this point and so I got kinda shy, bowing my head and laughing nervously because I honestly felt like I was being a total idiot. That's when he asked if he could kiss me. I said he could if he really wanted too. A few moments passed. Next thing I know he's tilting my chin up with his hand, then all the sudden turns my head to the side and starts laughing. I'm really not sure why, but I actually told him in a kinda joking voice "I thought you were gonna do the whole dramatic kiss!" and he just grinned, before he put his hands on my cheeks and pulled me in for a lip-to-lip kiss.

KYAAA!!! Suiren's first kiss (with a guy)! OMG! I think my heart was close to exploding by this point. Next thing I know I'm fretting over my lips being a lil dry and my nails being half chewed out, but he said he didn't care about that stuff. He didn't even mind my tiny boobs! What kinda guy is this I'm thinking. I hardly consider myself sexy and here I am making out with a guy I haven't even known for a full day! GA! What if he just thought I was easy?! Sure I'm willingly to put out a little I guess and I don't care if he grabs my chest as I really don't feel anything when anyone does.

But the thing is... he doesn't strike me as that kind of guy. His friend, a girl who cosplayed as Yoruichi, simply showed he was the kind of guy who liked to have fun with girls, yet genuinely cared about them. He's friendly, kind, concernative, funny, and not afraid to be pervy around friends. Is this real? This guy actually fits my ideal criteria for a mate! Chance encounter maybe?

So after that Yoruichi the mood killer calls his cell and we go back to the 'garden room' as they called it to hang with friends... who then all the sudden disappeared again only to come back to tell me they wanted to go home.

NO! Not yet! I wanted to stay through the whole con but no, we just had to go when things were getting good. Then he actually tells Ayame-senpai and Keshi if we can stay for another hour and they agree. So he gives me that grin and we run back up to the balcony corner in search of a more private place. Eventually we settled for the porch of a vacant hotel room where we sat on the floor behind a short wall and kissed in between passer-bys. His lil chin hair kinda smelled like sweet corn an' his cloths like my grandmother's basement. Both of which I like and both found amusing by my weekend lover.

I kept worrying out loud that I was being too weird and stupid, but again, he just smiled at me and hugged me. It felt just so natural to be held like that... to be loved by someone who had no reason to accept my faults and care for me all the more just for being who I am... I didn't even question as too why his hand went down my shorts that time.

Of course then he whipped 'it' out and I can't help but laugh and turn my head. I knew I'd end up with a guy who'd be unafraid to take 'it' out like that and actually that's the kinda thing I like in a guy. So I'm curious... so I touch him back... I mean, I don't want to be selfish and not give him something in return. He hinted that he wanted a bj but hehe, no way. The reason I gave to him? Throat cancer. Sure once probably isn't gonna do me in, but I really wasn't comfortable with it so he backed off. He kinda guided me through a mild hand job, but since we were still in public we really didn't get anywhere (and it's super gross if you don't know when the person last bathed and even if he was shower-fresh, it'd still be gross because HELLO! It's a dick!).

I dunno if I should ask for advise or whether you people out there think what I did was okay... I just wanted to tell someone whom I know would listen and not have to look at me in the face and know what I've done. I'm certainly not going to tell my mother and I'm even hesitant to tell my friends... I just need someone who'll listen to me... But I would like to know if what I did was right... of course who's to say it's wrong either? I didn't do anything I was uncomfortable with and I made sure to clean myself good afterwards... I don't feel 'dirty' or anything... just really confused.

I wish I could have stayed with him a while longer... I already miss him... but is it him or the things he's willing to do to me? Is it the fact he was dressed as one of my favorite anime characters while said actions took place? (I'll admit it was a plus, like a hot roleplay or something)

And WHY can't I get the fantasy of having sex with him out of my head?! Is it because I now think I might actually have a chance of losing my virginity someday or am I really just that sick?!

Gods I wish he'd hurry up and contact me. I didn't get his email, but he has mine.

*sigh* I hope I haven't done something regrettable...

Kakkoi Con 2008!

That's right people! Suiren Shinju will be going to her first ever anime convention tomorrow! YAY! I'm so excited! I'd like to thank my senpai for driving us up to the cities and the gods who allowed destiny to play out in my favor. I can't wait!

Bleach Doujinshi

I'm really into Kyouraku X Nanao right now and I wanna find this doujinshis but I can't find more than a few preview pics on ebay or something! I've been looking really hard for these

Hitohira no Yuuwaku by Sarashinaya
Fighting Girl by Sarashinaya 
Negaumono by Sarashinaya
Negibouzu's Kyouraku X Nanao by Negibouzu
Koukaya also by Sarashinaya (I think)

Any chance anyone can help hook me up?

Anxiously Awaited only to be Disappointed

So I'm a big fan of Watase Yuu-sama's and like most good fans, I wait every three months for the release of the Perfect World Magazine that contains the latest in the Fushigi Yuugi Genbu Kaiden saga. This time though, all my waiting has been for what I call the "nothing chapters". 

We all knew Takiko was gonna die. Watase didn't need to have Takiko coming back to the real world just to find that out. She's gonna get sicker, she's gonna summon Genbu, an' Einosuke is gonna kill her. That's how it's gonna happen, it's already known.

The whole side story with Oikawa is also unnesseccary. It's just a little distraction to kill time. Sure he may be a needed character since he's a doctor, but all the sudden, boom! "I want to marry Takiko." C'mon Watase! We don't need a third pairin' fer Takiko! She loved Oosugi an' lost, then she found Uruki, Oikawa is just another Tamahome-look-a-like who's gonna end up being one of those unrealistic lover boys who just screams the girl's name all the time. 

Takiko has also done more world flopping than the other mikos. Okay, she's the first one so that'll be alright, but the story should still center on the Urumiya situation. Right now the story is all over the place and with only 3 months until the nest Perfect World, I'm gonna feel like I got ripped off cuz I'm really not satisfied with these two chapters. 

Oh well, June will be here before we know it...

My 18th Birthday

I went shopping with my parents, and we bought ice cream and a lot of different toppings. I worked endlessly to clean my house and get the dank scent of winter out of my room. And I waited patiently on March 16 for my party guests to arrive. Some had told me they'd be late, but I was still expecting a lot of people.

1 o'clock came... the starting time on the invitation... no one came. 1:30... no one came... 2:00... no one came... and so on... even the people expected late didn't show. The ending time, 4 o'clock came around and still no one was there... ice cream melted and the toppings now had to find a place in a crowded fridge.

What did I do...? I have a copy of my invitation so I know everything was correct. People never told me they couldn't come... I kept telling myself that maybe something came up, but even so, I was left to deal with the pain that out of the roughly 10 people I invited, only two showed up to wish me a 'happy birthday' on this, my only 18th birthday.

Don't they know...? I get so depressed when things like this happen. I feel so insignificant; forgotten; worthless; 'unhappy'. I can understand if not everyone could make it, but still... I wanted everyone together for one last time... maybe I waited too long and the gap between us all has become to wide to cross.

I know it's stupid of me to dwell on it but still... I just can't stop crying...

Fushigi Yuugi Shuuiiden

Kourin heno Jyoshou
Kamen no Jutsushi
Ore ga Onnagirai ni Natta Wake
Aoi Hana no Densetsu

Is there anyone out there who can help me? I wanna what goes on in these lil stories. A friend told me to check here but the searches on here ain't much help so... yeah, just someone please lend a girl a lil help please.

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Kin, Kira, Mikazuki, Izuru
suirenshinju
Shourin "Suiren" Yamazuka

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